The following is from the December, 2004 issue of WorldRadio magazine;
and is entitled "You've Got Big Trouble", written by Virgil Sipes, W7YEN.

***

Having been in Amateur Radio on and off for most of the last 50 years,
I've experienced my share of troubles. I've talked with other amateurs,
and it appears that my troubles are not unique. In fact, having trouble
seems to be the norm. Over the years, I've discovered that problems and
errors can be classified into two basic categories.

1) Troubles that are fixed with a little extra work, a little more
mental engagement, and maybe some verbal lubrication.

2) Troubles that might require more than the Gross National Product of
a small country to correct.

Some troubles are so momentous, that they belong in their own special category. One of my records to date is 213 discrete solid-state devices
wiped out with one slip of a probe.

I've listed some of the troubles I've experienced, some troubles I've
known others to experience, and some troubles that I can envision, but
never hope to encounter.

You're in trouble -- when you key your new kilowatt transmitter, and
the room lights go out. You're in BIG trouble -- when you key your new
kilowatt transmitter, and the street lights go out.

You're in trouble -- when you've accidentally been operating out of
band, and get a letter from the FCC. You're in BIG trouble -- when you've accidentally been operating out of band, and you get a visit from the KGB.

You're in trouble -- when you measure the voltage to your new mobile transceiver, and it measures 8 volts. You're in BIG trouble -- when you
measure the voltage to your new mobile transceiver, and it measures
minus 8 volts.

You're in trouble -- when measuring your 850 volt power supply, you've
set your multimeter on the 100 ohm scale. You're in BIG trouble -- when measuring your 850 volt power supply, you've set your multimeter on the
100 amp scale.

You're in trouble -- when you're changing the oil in your Field Day Generator, and metal fillings come out. You're in BIG trouble -- when
you're changing the oil in your Field Day Generator, and nothing comes
out.

You're in trouble -- when your rig is set to 220 VAC, and you connect
it to 110 VAC. You're in BIG trouble -- when your rig is set to 110 VAC,
and you connect it to 220 VAC.

You're in trouble -- when you use your new kilowatt transmitter, and
the antenna relay is stuck in transmit. You're in BIG trouble -- when
you use your new kilowatt transmitter, and the antenna relay is stuck
in receive.

You're in trouble -- after you transmit to your favorite local repeater
with your new home-brew rig, the local repeater won't shut off. You're
in BIG trouble -- after you transmit to your favorite local repeater
with your new home-brew rig, all local repeaters won't shut off.

You're in trouble -- when you make a call on 6 meters, and the neighbors complain about your interfering with their TV Channel 2. You're in BIG
trouble -- when you make a call on 6 meters, and Channel 2 complains
about your interfering with their TV.

You're in trouble -- when you pick up your handheld after it was
sitting in your open convertible all night, and water runs out. You're
in BIG trouble -- when you pick up your handheld after it was sitting
in your open convertible all night, and there's a bubble in the display.

You're in trouble -- when you tighten the clamp bolts on your aluminum antenna mast, and the clamp bolts strip. You're in BIG trouble -- when
you tighten the clamp bolts on your alumimum antenna mast, and the clamp
bolts don't strip.

You're in trouble -- when you start transmitting SSB, and your RF current meter isn't moving. You're in BIG trouble -- when you stop transmitting
SSB, and your RF current meter keeps moving.

You're in trouble -- when you operate your Morse Code Key, and the
contacts spark. You're in BIG trouble -- when you operate your Morse
Code Key, and the contacts weld.

You're in trouble -- when you discover that you've been operating
below the 160 meter band. You're in BIG trouble -- when you hear that
you've been nominated for the Broadcaster Of The Year Award.

You're in trouble -- when you rotate your beam antenna, and you hear
a grinding noise. You're in BIG trouble -- when you rotate your beam
antenna, and you hear a helicopter noise.

You're in trouble -- when you drop your new handheld in the river, and
it floats away. You're in BIG trouble -- when you drop your new handheld
in the river, and it doesn't float.

You're in trouble -- the guy-wires on your new tower are resonant.
You're in BIG trouble -- the guy-wires on your new tower have melted.

You're in trouble -- when your girl friend wants to get her Amateur
Radio license, and she wants you to help her study. You're in BIG
trouble -- when your girl friend wants to get her Amateur Radio license,
and she wants your best friend to help her study.

The W7YEN corollary to Murphy's Law: you have a 50/50 chance of
being right, and a 90/10 chance of being wrong.

***

Credit for this goes to:

Lenny, K5OVC...Ken, W8OB...Don, W6ZO...John, W2AGN...Fred, K6DGW...Thom, K3HRN...Jim, W7RY...Brian, W0NW...and Fred, K5QLF.
--- SBBSecho 3.20-Win32
* Origin: The Thunderbolt BBS - Little Rock, Arkansas (1:2320/33)